Stateside Stories

Florida is one of the most famous states in the USA. It is known for Disney World, warm weather and amazing beaches. However, it is also known for the various bizarre incidents that involve the residents of the state. Strange behaviour is often reported from the state, with its occupants involved in scenarios that are almost too difficult to believe. The chronicles of the legendary ‘Florida Man’ have kept users of the Internet entertained for years. An Internet challenge was even created where participants googled ‘Florida Man’ and then their birthday to see what headline they got. The misdeeds of Floridians prove that reality is often stranger than fiction, and there were so many stories that I could have chosen for this article. From a man assaulting his girlfriend with fried chicken, to a man throwing an alligator through a drive-through window, Florida never runs out of weird and wacky situations. I, however, have chosen four stories that have stood out to me as truly strange and worth exploring in further depth.

Pasta Sauce

In 2018, two men, 28-year-old John Silva and 36-year-old Derrick Irving broke into the house of their ex-boyfriend. Irving, for reasons unknown, was wearing a bull costume when the break-in occurred. The pair stole a television from the property and then tried to burn the house down. They aimed to achieve this by leaving a pot of Ragu sauce on the stove, placing a tea towel next to it that would catch fire. This, they hoped, would fool investigators into believing that their victim left the stove on for too long. The victim of the robbery was alerted to the crime by his home security system, and noticed that a towel has been used to cover one of the security cameras on his property. He alerted the police and both men were promptly arrested. The victim claimed that he had not dated either man for very long, and gave one of them money for a dentist visit. The men’s mission to burn the house down had luckily failed, and the unnamed victim of the incident now presumably lives in peace, safe in the knowledge that his two unhinged exes are locked up.

The Unusual Accomplice

This was another incident to occur in 2018. 23-year-old Cody Blake Hession stole a car in St Petersburg just after 4am. The keys were left by one of the footwells in the unlocked car, making it easy for Hession to steal. He drove the car for 30 miles before crashing it into a ditch. After the crash Hession attempted to flee the scene, but was caught just after 6:30 am. He was arrested by the police, who were shocked when the man exited the car with a monkey clinging to his chest. The monkey was called Monk, and Hession claimed that he got him in South Carolina in 2014. Monk was wearing a nappy and would not let go of Hession, remaining clung to his chest even as he was being arrested. The pair said goodbye to each other as Monk was removed from Hession’s chest by the arresting officers. Hession did not have a permit for Monk, and as a result he was homed in the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbour. Hession was charged with auto-theft and possession of a wild animal. It is unlikely that he and Monk will ever reunite.

A Reunion with Friends

In 2015, 24-year-old Patrick Rempe was missing the friends that he had made in prison. So much so, that he decided to break back into prison to see them again. High on a synthetic drug called ‘Flakka’ (which is believed to act like both cocaine and crystal meth), he drove his car directly into a glass door. He then encountered a barbed-wire fence and attempted to climb it. Needless to say, this plan did not work and Rempe quickly became entangled in the fence, sustaining minor injuries as a result. In order to reach the jail, Rempe would have had to scale another fence and get past an elaborate security system. It was like something out of Mission Impossible, except unlike Tom Cruise, Rempe did not succeed. He was rescued from his predicament, and then promptly arrested. The charges he faced were numerous; aggravated assault on a police officer, criminal mischief, property damage, leaving the scene of a crash and driving under the influence. All of this would be enough to guarantee that he would see his friends again. It can be said that this story had a happy ending.

The Hamster Wheel Saga

In September 2023, 44-year-old marathon runner Reza Baluchi was arrested after being spotted 70 miles off the coast of Florida, inside a gain inflatable hamster wheel. Florida was preparing for a hurricane, and his behaviour was considered dangerous. Baluchi’s aim was to travel all the way to London in his giant hamster wheel, some 4,000 miles away! The Coast Guard quickly put an end to his mission, but it was not without difficulty. Baluchi was in possession of a knife, and threatened to commit suicide if he was removed from the hamster wheel. He then claimed that there was bomb inside and that he would detonate it if anyone tried to remove him from the wheel. Both of these were empty threats, and rescuers quickly discovered that there was no bomb. He was removed from the wheel and taken back to the mainland, all before the hurricane started.

This was not the first time that Baluchi had attempted something like this. In 2021, he had to be rescued whilst trying to travel to New York in his hamster wheel. He only made it as far as St Augustine before he ran into difficulties and had to be rescued. He did not receive any criminal charges, but his hamster wheel had to be inspected to make sure that it complied with safety regulations. He also had to be rescued after trying to reach Bermuda in 2016. None of Baluchi’s attempts to reach his destinations have ever worked, but he has not given up quite yet. He has to admired for not giving up. Whilst this story is funny, maybe it can also teach us a thing or two about resilience and hope.